To Coach or NOT to Coach

Coaching is MORE than.....

It just dawned on me that I've had GREAT intentions to write more here, but LIFE has seemed to get busy once again and even though I've had LOTS of stories to tell, the time to write about them has long since past and my memory anymore isn't anything like it used to be.  The older I get, and busier I get the MORE I FORGET!!  So my apologies and I'll try to write more often this year when things are MORE relevant at the time they are little more "fresh" in my mind.

Anyone who knows me, at least a little bit, knows I LOVE to tell a story.  So get yourself a cup of your favorite drink, maybe a snack, and sit back in your comfy chair.  Let's begin.

Since the summer of 2012 I have fallen into the role of "Head Coach" for my sons first recreational sports he was finally of age to try.  I'm sure the main reason was his school friends were signing up and he wanted more time with them.  My story is a rather long one and I'm not going to elaborate here on how I was "chosen" for this role.  Rest assured though, I'm sure you'll hear it at some point.

For the last several years I've witnessed many sickening and disheartening occurrences, by the adults around me.  Some are the parents, but the ones that simply make me shake my head and utter the words "we can and should do better" are typically the other Coaches.

It's truly sad to see an adult who is "in charge" of 7 and 8 year olds, and their first experience with recreational sports with such a poor attitude.  I can appreciate it is a volunteer thing and many people don't have the fortitude to step up in the time of need, but if you don't step up for the right reasons then I say don't take that step at all!  Shouldn't we as Coaches be the ones who inspire, encourage, and help the children see the fun and love for the sport??

If you're a Coach, in any form, ask yourself these questions.  If you're not but know someone who is, please PLEASE forward this to them for their review.  We should choose to "give life" and NOT drain it!  (from one of my favorite quotes, you can read it in one of my previous blogs below here)

#1 : What is the most important thing for the team/children?
#2 : Are you adding value?
#3 : Are the kids having fun but learning something about the sport?
#4 : Do you run practices like a drill sergeant or better yet find yourself screaming often?
#5 : Can you see improvements from the first practice?
#6 : Do you have the practices planned accordingly?  and are you willing and able to "adjust" on the fly as the need is there?
#7 : Do you have compassion for the kids?  Do you love them?

I first suggest you STOP and re-read the above questions.  Rather you're a Coach in any kind of recreational sport, or the parent.  Let's face it, we are ALL Coaches in some form, on or off the field.

If you have a "tilt" to WIN no matter what the cost and that is your driving factor and main focus, then question #1 possibly points out that your main factor is to WIN.  Yes, winning is a part of any sport, BUT if that's your "tilt" it's time, and likely LONG OVERDUE, to have a LIFE CHECK MOMENT with yourself, and TRULY be honest with yourself and ask tough questions.  We can ALL change.  It's a CHOICE (also see previous blog below to elaborate more on that)

Question #2, is something I ask myself pretty much ALL DAY LONG, and EVERYDAY!!!!!  I truly have a passion to HELP people and ADD VALUE.  That is an ACTIVE choice.  One I made many years ago, and one I revisit very VERY frequently throughout any normal day.

Question #3, is really another check.  If they are having fun and enjoying the sport, yet learning a few key aspects about the game, then it's a WIN-WIN, regardless of the score in the games!  I have found that in most practices, the kids really HATE most of what we show and teach, but the reality is they are getting some key foundations that will help them, IF they choose to continue playing the sport in the future.  I find myself teaching and explaining how certain drills HELP them, but they are very young and in a few short minutes completely forget anything I said let alone what their exercise just taught them.  To you Coach I say, don't get frustrated by this (I know I used to) they are very young and if they take ANYTHING away from practices then they at least have that little nugget of knowledge.  As with us adults, some learn more than others and most people learn things a certain way better than others so don't be afraid to adjust your teaching style.  Get other parents off the sideline to help, if needed.  Some kids do better one-on-one learning, and others can learn more in a group setting.

Question #4, is more a Leadership bias question.  When I was young and playing in High School football and wrestling, I had Coaches that seemed to "YELL" as their primary language.  I must say it was intimidating and I certainly didn't want to get YELLED at AGAIN, but it seemed like I always did, and so did everyone else.  I guess in some form, it did have it's positive side.  My teammates still tried to learn and get better, but even then I remember thinking "this really ISN'T HELPING me or the team".  You must find what works for YOUR TEAM and more specifically be able to ADJUST to the INDIVIDUAL NEED.  Not everyone learns or responds to a certain Teacher the same way.  If you think back to your favorite High School Teacher, who was it?  Probably a fond memory.  I know mine is, of course mine was my Dad as he taught my High School Chemistry classes.  Regardless, he NEVER yelled, threatened, or even really raised his voice, UNLESS he was teaching about something very exciting to him.  I still can remember seeing him at the board writing equations and engaging my fellow classmates along the way.  Pretty well everyone in class learned and enjoyed his class.  However, my Coaches I cannot tell you a single story about them that doesn't include them yelling, and even the few stories I can remember it wasn't a positive experience for the team.

Question #5, is basically a "benchmark" that you need, no you MUST ask yourself at least at the end of every practice.  You should see improvements but just as important you should see them learn and grow.  Here again, ask yourself "are you adding value" and adjust accordingly.

Question #6, really is a good question about LIFE, and applies to Coaching here too.  If you are the "lead" (and as a Coach you are) in aspect you need to THINK AHEAD and PLAN, but just as important be willing to ADJUST accordingly.  I can tell you over the last few years of this type of Coaching and the past Teams I've built to work on projects in my profession the single biggest asset to have is the ability to ADJUST.  Change will happen, but you still need to go into it with A PLAN.  Only a handful of my practices has EVER gone 100% as planned.  Someone didn't show up, someone was injured, someone was sick, car trouble, etc etc.  In my opinion the worst thing you can do as a Coach is try to run your planned practice with the wrong personnel, or not enough team members.  However, you still have to practice and be willing to adjust on the fly at the last minute.  This is a truth and a reality in just about any aspect of LIFE.  Most people DON'T LIKE change, and often times most people FIGHT CHANGE.  Even myself who has grown to appreciate the "other side of change" occasionally doesn't like the process of change.  However my choice is to learn along the way, even if it's CHANGE INDUCED.

Question #7, if you don't have an honest caring and loving spirit towards the kids then never start!  If you don't love yourself, never start!  I think the single biggest characteristic to any Coach is a genuine unconditional love for the kids, their parents, other Coaches, and humanity as a whole.  I know how corny that might sound, but I think it's the one biggest key to Leadership that most people overlook or view it in the wrong light.  This will ALSO likely be a topic for future blog splashes!!

Now with ALL of this being said, there are some tough questions to ask yourself but ultimately if you're honest with yourself and truly have a desire and a passion to help the children, then choose to ADD VALUE.

One last story, that's very current for me.

I freely admit, that I enjoy watching "people" (aka a mall watcher of sorts).  People are funny, but really one can learn SOOO much about people just by watching and listening.  I guess that's the Sociologist in me.  I like seeing how people interact with other people and how they get along or not.

I have been traveling around to several of my oldest childs events recently, the team age range is 15-18.  I find myself more often than not, disappearing from the crowd.  See I don't like being around a LARGE group of people like that.  Not sure why, or where that comes from, but I can only sit in a crowd like that for a little while.  However, I can sit/stand in the hallway just fine, well normally anyways.  This being said, at one of the local events I found myself standing at the end of an L in one of the hallways.  So pretty much EVERYONE walking in and out of the crowd had to walk by me.  The teams entrance or the crowd entrance, pretty well all flew by me.

After a few moments I found myself bowing my head in disgust but also to say a quick prayer for those kids.  See more times than not, as the team going "on" promptly walked by I heard the Coach of that team utter some "last second words".  ALL of these were LESS than encouraging, and most of the time demeaning and very threatening.  A few even cussed and were screaming at a few.  After only a few short minutes, my heart couldn't take it and I had to move to a more isolated area.

Another scenario includes the Coach giving the kids Redbull several minutes before they went on to perform.  I can only assume this Coach was thinking "energy, they need energy" but WOW, really.  Why not some fruit!?!?!?  I'm not judging here, that's not my place, but I can't hardly believe how THIS would sound like a good idea in ANYONES head for this age group!  What if one of the kids had a heart condition?.?.?

So far I believe my part has been to watch and observe.  Albeit that last one just about pushes me over the edge into action.  However, this season is over and should next year include these travels it's safe to say some THINGS will be VERY DIFFERENT as it may be time to switch into a different role from "mall watcher" to something with a little more presence.

Choices

I've been debating for several weeks now about what possibly could be my "second blog".  I wanted it to be insightful even a little "aww inspiring".  I had several topics, over this time, enter the realm of possible, entertainment worthy, topics for me to provide for your reading.  The core question I always try to answer and provide in every encounter I make is, will the encounter "add value" to you and/or your life?  As Brennan Manning once said “In every encounter we either give life or we drain it; there is no neutral exchange.”

Let me pause here for a brief moment to offer how I mulled over these topics.  Something would come up, I'd witness something, something at home, something at a store, a friend would say something, a friend would be suffering through something, etc etc.  I try very hard to pay attention to the little details in life that most people overlook or choose to ignore.  I find that in those moments life's greatest mysteries and gifts are found.  So, as I've told some people, pay attention to every moment of your life.  (I'll likely write about that at some point)

One of Gods greatest gifts in life is the ability for each and every one of us to make our own choices.  Equally in that gift, is the power that choice that will give us.  Some choices are small and somewhat insignificant, like what clothes am I going to wear or will I change my oil in my car today or not. However, even some of the small choices, the ones that truly look insignificant at the time end up being MUCH MORE than that.

Let me tell you about a choice that forever changed my life.  I was 20 years old, newly married, and working for minimum wage my first semester at College.  I had just finished my 2yr degree, and being married wanted to get a job and start a family.  College was the backup plan, one of which I really didn't want to do as I was tired of being in school.  I spent the summer trying very hard to find a job, but learned quickly that being fresh out of college and looking for a job, it wasn't the right timing.  I should have followed a few other classmates' examples. They had jobs, but they started flooding the market a semester before they graduated.  Lesson learned here, I was more talented than most of them that landed jobs but they started earlier and found a job fresh out of college.

Over the summer I met a guy who said that if I end up at the college to see his Mom and she could likely help get me a job somewhere on campus.  I found myself back in college and indeed she helped me find a job on campus.  She sent me to talk with a lady who was the supervisor of several student workers.  The job was data entry.  Specifically, entering data about Alumni who replied to surveys in the mail.  It was long before online surveys were doable....yes, I'm old, especially considering you're using a computer or a cell phone to read this now.  I was hired and after a week I learned THE JOB SUCKED!!!  

Turns out the woman in charge wasn't a good boss either, and had many issues in her own life that would cause her to lash out at the student workers.  My fellow student employees, however, were awesome and we got along well, in fact often times we had fun....when the boss wasn't in one of her moods.  So, after a week I found myself thinking "I HATE this job, the work, the boss, the environment, etc", something had to change.  I liked the fact that it was on campus which ultimately saved me gas and money, as well as time to get to said job, but the rest of the it was somewhat unbearable, I almost had to take some valium just to bare a normal work day. It was truly horrible.  I had a choice to make, in fact several choices here.  The first one was pretty easy, I didn't want to leave due to the above reasons, so I chose to stay.  The next one was pretty easy for me too, I can ignore people pretty well, so I'd just ignore the boss, as much as I could, even when she's in one of her moods.  Now, what about the work, it was pretty horrible, and something I truly didn't like and didn't want to do.  My choice was.....I have another 2 years of this job until I graduate, I can be miserable and HATE my job, OR I can view it a little differently.  It WAS MY CHOICE!!!  

I'm sure most 20yr olds, when faced with a similar situation, would have run screaming and yelling and found another job, but my choice was.....challenge MYSELF to do better every day.  Work faster with more data entered, but never sacrifice quality.  There were checks and balances in place to check the quality in the system.  When I started making mistakes at speed, I would slow back down, look at the area where I messed up, readjust if I could, and speed back up.  Within a week, I was making some major progress, which excited me, and drove me that much more.  For me, when something is like an assembly line, I can excel at it over time.  This was certainly a case for that.  After another week, now 3 weeks into it, I started noticing things.  Like, I was outperforming several of the "veteran student workers" who had been there, in some cases, 3+ years.  After the start of the 4th week, I found out, not only was I out performing most individuals but my stack of completed papers for that week was HIGHER than 4 students, one of which was our Grad Assistant, who we all looked up to as the "Queen of data entry".  So my stack of completed papers were as tall as 5 other students combined.  Quite impressive, but the humility in me certainly wouldn't allow any kind of "big head or ego" to kick in, like other people might tend to do.  When the other students started to notice and sometimes feel threatened by the "new comer" I would smile, often times laugh, and simply say....it was a choice I made, and so can you!

From this choice, pretty much all things from that point forward that was "good", were a result of that choice as well as making other good choices along the way.  I didn't end up doing data entry for the next 2 years.  Shortly after the 4 week mark I was offered a full-time job outside of college, and had a new choice.  I left college, as it was well within the timeframe to drop without any penalty, and started working full time.  My college advisor suggested dropping all but two classes, one was a night class (rare to have night classes back in those days) and the other was an "internship" class.  The new job could be used for college credit at the same time as working full time.  My degree at that time didn't require an internship (does now though) but his way of thinking was I get college credit and IF things don't work out I could come back the next semester and then only have 3 more semesters to finish my 4y degree.  What a nice backup plan, another easy choice for me.

I ended up HATING that job as well, but I made the best of it, with some pretty solid choices.  Probably too long to include that here, at least, but maybe in another story.  I was the last employee laid off due to a 45% reduction in the company.  Sure hated that, as I had a family to provide for, but it ended up being a blessing.  It got me away from a horrible job that I didn't want, and yet I couldn't afford to lose, which then lead to the following blessing and the amazing part of my above "choice".

I called my old boss back, being as humble as I could be, but she wasn't in.  Instead the office receptionist gave me her boss, which was the Assistant Director.  I got along with him great, and he was the guy I had told when I left, that I wish it was different circumstances but I had a family.  When we spoke I told him I was coming back to college, and knew I didn't leave on the best of terms but IF he could help me find something, anything, on campus that it would be greatly appreciated.  About 5 minutes into the conversation, not only did I have a job, but it was working for HIM instead.  I had my own office, which was a sore point for my old boss since she didn't have an office.  The job was basically keeping the computers in the office running, and helping a guy they hired develop their first internet webpage, which included eventually showing it to some very big wigs in the college.  The next 2yrs on the job, was FUN, exciting, challenging, and I learned SOOO much about many things that I would have never known.

All thanks to a few good CHOICES!!!

Now, the moral of the story is, we are all empowered with the same ability to make good or even great choices, yet I consistently see many cases of less than that.  For those of you who refuse to make a choice, quit lying to yourself, that too is a choice.  Think through your choices, analyze them, prepare for them, and never ever NOT make a choice, as often times that's the worst choice!  Regardless of which direction that choice will take you, the absence of choice ends up taking you some place too, and often times it takes you in a much worse direction.

Now you have a choice to make.  You can choose to ignore the truth in this message and go back to your previous way of life, OR you can CHOOSE to acknowledge this and prepare yourself to make better choices in your life!  The power is in your hands.........now choose.

P.S., with GREAT power, comes GREAT responsibility!!!

Yes Rags....I have a blog now!

That's right Rags, I now have a blog.....not that I'll post anything here, but I might.

Ok, I do have some plans, hence the URL, but for now...nothing more than to pester you Rags!